I DID IT!

I left last night and I'm so unsure how I feel. I know it was neccesary for my sanity and to maintain whatever small part of me that was left. She doesn't know I'm gone yet. At least I don't think so. I assume when she does realize she'll blow up my phone with the usual: I'm so sorry I'm in love with you ish. Although I don't know... this time feels different. I think she may have given up and that will only make it easier since I've finally made up my mind. I just hope I don't let her back in the way I always do. Although every conversation we've had in the past month about us has been pointless. She just looked at me with these blank eyes that had no emotion. Even while I had tears rolling down my face they didn't phase her. I would plead with her to treat me like a PERSON. Not even to be together or to date again but just the same respect that you would give to someone you claim you love. I couldn't even get that from her. So what other decision did I have.  I had no other choice. I can't sit there and let her embarrass me or treat me like I'm subhuman. I know I did some things that were wrong. I am not without fault. But I gave my all to her. I really did. I wanted nothing more than to make her happy and to prove that not every girl would be full of shit.  In the end I just ended up drained. She wasn't giving me nearly the same in return.
..............
I am so thankful for the people I've met through this whole thing. Part of preventing me from leaving was because of these friends. I guess God will find a way to always give you a blessing through negativity. I don't know what will happen next in this whole saga but I hope it doesn't get worse. I'm just ready to smile again and not constantly feel sad like I do now.  This is a big step for me though. I can become the strong person I'm used to be. That's all for now... hope it goes well tomorrow.